Category: Writers Block
I had to write this poem for a class, but I'm particularly proud of it. the wording might sound a little strained, but that's because we had certain words we had to use. Let me know your opinions.
The Farewell of the Mariner
by Cody Kirchner
goodbye my daughter for I have sailed,
a fireman on a battleship.
My life I place upon the sea,
its whispered charms I cannot resist.
Do not cry over my departing,
For my toil shall bring you Orient pearls.
Stand awaiting on the sand,
with flowers of march in your golden hair.
If I am condemned to the ocean depths,
banished to join Orion in his heavenly hunt,
I shall love you as a ghost.
You shall not be alone.
A sailor's lot is the fear of drowning,
whether crushed beneath oceans or the torments of the world.
Sent out upon ships of strife forever striving,
to solve what ails the Earth with thunder of gun.
Fear you not though my fair daughter,
the love your father harbors for you,
is an ocean of its own.
Hmm I like it, and the mariner imagery is realistic, in my opinion.
Paints that confidence of knowing what he's doing, but that very real fear of drowning we all face when out on the water, no matter how long or often we've been out there.
I liked it.
I particularly love the lines:
"the love your father harbors for you,
is an ocean of its own."
Yes, that too is realistic. And today when we dads largely get a bad rap, that is a breath of fresh air. A realistic portrayal.
Wow. Four peeple commenting on a single poem? That's amazing!:)
Anyway I agree with the other three. I do see a little strain on a few words, but I think you did very well with this. It reminds me of a song by Kamelot called the Sailerman's Hymn which is a really nice balad.
It was slightly influenced by "the song of the ancient mariner". At least, I believe that's what its called.
thanks for all the comments.
i like it, very much. well done. keep it up! :)